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Families at Various Life Stages

We go through many different stages beginning from when we are young, just beginning to think about dating, to when we are past middle age, and reflecting on the course of our lives and relationships. No matter what stage we are in, or what our relationship status is, we are affected by relationships and marriage. In this section you will find information about the various stages of families as they relate to marriage.

Topics on this Page:

• Children and Youth
• Premarital
• Thinking about Marriage
• Additional Resources

Children and Youth

Marriage and Child Wellbeing

Marriage provides an amazing list of benefits for children. In fact, researchers say that on average children that live with their own two married parents are more likely to:

• Succeed in school and in social situations
• Marry and to succeed at their own marriages

…than children raised in other family situations
Not all children raised outside of a healthy married family do poorly, but research shows their chances of succeeding are lower. Children that live in divorced, never-married, or remarried families are more likely to:

• Live in poverty
• Abuse drugs or alcohol
• Experience school failure
• Get in trouble with the law
• Engage in a variety of risky behaviors
• Become teen parents, or
• Have behavior or emotional problems

And, if and when they marry, their marriages are less likely to succeed than the marriages of children that grow up with their own two married parents.

Interventions to Ease the Transition to Parenthood Carolyn Pape Cowan and Philip A. Cowan -- Identifies risk factors and need for transitory education.

Parenthood as Crisis E.E. LeMasters -- Researches the "crisis" of a firstborn child upon a married couple and the restructure of the family unit.

Dual-earner Couples and the Transition to Parenthood Maureen Perry-Jenkins -- Study that reflects the challenges of the working class as they transition to parenthood.

He's Having a Baby Callister, Matsumura -- The childbirth experience from a male perspective.

Marriage and Relationship Education for Youth

We teach our kids how to write a good sentence and how to do sums correctly. What about how to have a good relationship and marriage?  Attitudes about relationships and marriage form at an early age.  With increasing numbers of children born to parents who divorce or were never married, fewer children have examples of good marriages from which to learn.  A goal of marriage education for youth is prevention.  By teaching the skills needed to form and sustain a healthy marriage, teens can make better choices about who they date and why.  Youth can have a solid foundation from which to form healthy relationships. These healthy relationships can lead to healthy marriages, with which they have better chance to avoid divorce. 

For more information on marriage education for youth, please see below:

• Report on Outcomes of Relationship and Marriage Education for Youth (PDF)

• Can Kids Get Smart about Marriage
  By Marlene Pearson
  Review of marriage education for youth

• Making a Love Connection: Teen Relationships, Pregnancy and Marriage
  This report from the National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy documents the connection between still-high rates of teen pregnancy and the public policy focus on increasing the proportion of children who grow up in healthy, married families.

• "Adolescent Romantic Relationships" (PDF - 129 KB) This ACT for Youth brief discusses the importance, benefits, and risks of romantic relationships, and the need for adults to support young people in developing healthy relationships.

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Premarital

In our country, we spend a lot of time and money getting ready for a wedding.  We spend much less time, getting ready for marriage.  Preparing for marriage can provide you with the foundation to build and grow a healthy marriage. 

Selecting a Partner

What do you want for your life and in a partner? It may sound obvious when stated plainly, but good, healthy relationships and marriages begin with the person you choose to share these things with.  This process can begin many years before – when you are just starting to date. A lot of times who we date can seem like a roll of the dice. We date people we are interested in or those who are interested in us, right?  True.  But we don’t have to leave it up to chance to bring us a good partner. Even if you are not ready to get married, there are factors you can think about to limit your chances of getting involved with someone who is not right for you – someone on a course that will not work with your course in life. Or someone whose values do not mesh well with your own.  

Selecting a good partner involves taking stock of a few things.  Below is an incomplete checklist.  Research shows that on average, people who have more of each of these are more likely to have a healthy and successful marriage: 1

• Age (at least up to early-to-mid-20s)
• Education and income
• Emotional health
• Religious affiliation and religious practice
• Similar characteristics as their partner (age, race, social and economic status)
• Similar attitudes, values, and beliefs
• Acquaintance (that is, they have been together for more than a short time and know each other well)
• Family stability and health (that is, their parents did not divorce, had good mental health, and a reasonably happy family growing up) and partner's family stability (when both spouses experienced the divorce of their parents growing up, they face a higher risk of divorce) 2
• Support from family and friends for the marriage (as opposed to thinking the union isn't a good idea)
• Social and interpersonal skills (especially positive communication and problem-solving skills)

Also, those who have had less premarital sexual experience and who have not lived together before marriage or engagement have more healthy and successful marriages. Individuals who have lived together with several partners face especially high risks. 3

Additional Resources

Are we Compatible? (PDF)
Part of the Marriage Matters Series, this fact sheet explores the issue of exploring compatibility during courtship. (Ohio State University Extension, 2003)

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Thinking about marriage

Once you have found that certain someone you might be thinking about getting married or you might be already engaged. There is lots of material out there that suggests different questions to ask your partner before marriage. Questions are good.  Questions let you get to know one another better.  Questions also get you and your partner talking and communicating.  Good communication is essential for a healthy marriage.   Marriage education can teach you better communication skills and much more. Marriage education isn’t just for people who are already married. Learning skills early can help enhance your marriage during the great times and help sustain your marriage during the hard times.  Has anyone told you yet that “A good marriage takes lots of hard work”? Learning solid skills early through marriage education can make it a whole lot easier. 

• Before you say ‘I do’ (PDF)
  A fact sheet by the Ohio State University Cooperative Extension

• Are we Compatible? Part of the Marriage Matters Series (PDF)
  This fact sheet explores the issue of exploring compatibility during courtship. (Ohio State University Extension, 2003)

• Excerpt from Susan Pivers Book “Questions: 100 Questions to Ask Before Marriage”

• Questions Couples Should Ask (Or Wish They Had) Before Marrying - New York Times

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1 Jeffry H. Larson. (2000). Should we stay together? A Scientifically proven method for evaluating your relationship and improving its chances for long-term success. San Francisco: Jossey-Bass. Jeffry H. Larson & Thomas B. Holman. (1994). Premarital predictors of marital quality and stability. Family Relations, 43, 228-237. Thomas N. Bradbury, Frank D. Fincham, & Steven R. H. Beach. (2000). Research on the nature and determinants of marital satisfaction: A decade review. Journal of Marriage and the Family, 62, 964-980.

2 Nicholas H. Wolfinger. (2005). Understanding the divorce cycle: The children of divorce in their own marriages. New York: Cambridge University Press.

3 Jay Teachman. (2003). Premarital sex, premarital cohabitation, and the risk of subsequent marital dissolution among women. Journal of Marriage and Family, 65, 444-455. David Popenoe & Barbara Dafoe Whitehead. (2002). Should we live together? What young adults need to know about cohabitation before marriage. Piscataway, NJ: The National Marriage Project.