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How to have a healthy marriage

Many things make up a healthy marriage. Lucky for us, most of these things can be taught and learned!

Topics on this Page:

• Marriage Education
• Marriage Counseling
• Practical Tips

Marriage Education

Marriage education is based on the idea that all married couples will have predictable challenges and problems. People can prepare themselves for these situations by participating in a marriage education program. In these programs couples can learn to:

• Talk without fighting
• Solve problems
• Strengthen trust and commitment
• Take better care of each other
• And much more!

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Marriage Counseling

Research has shown that effective marital counseling or therapy can help married couples. Getting counseling from a licensed therapist who is experienced in working with couples or from a religious leader shows a couple's commitment to their marriage and is a sign of strength, not weakness.1

However, exercise caution in choosing a counselor or therapist. The following guidelines can help.2

• Find a therapist who supports marriage and is pro-commitment. If you decide to seek counseling about your marital troubles, either alone or with your spouse, make sure to find a counselor who will work to support your commitment to each other.
• Find a therapist who has the appropriate experience and expertise. Many therapists have not been trained to work with couples or deal specifically with marital problems. Before hiring a therapist, ask about his or her experience in working with couples and his or her approach to working with both spouses together. And, if violence is a problem, seek out a therapist with specialized training in working with this problem.3
• Find a therapist who will challenge each of you about your contributions to the problems and pushes each of you to make individual changes to resolve the problem. Marriage problems are rarely one-sided. Typically, each spouse can make improvements in certain areas. Although the larger goals and focus of the counseling are on couple issues, the resolution of problems usually involves each spouse individually making changes to improve the situation. Therefore, if counseling is going to work, each spouse needs to enter counseling willing to work and make individual changes.
• See a therapist at the first sign of serious marital problems. Don't wait until the problems become so chronic and you become so discouraged that marriage counseling may not succeed. The longer you wait, the less likely it is that counseling will be able to help.

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Practical Tips

• 10 Things You Can do to Have a Healthy Marriage (PDF - 64 KB)

  There are some simple things you can do almost every day to maintain a good relationship. This resource provides couples a list of practical, everyday tips to strengthen and maintain a healthy marriage.

• 10 Things You Can do to Romance Your Partner on a Budget (PDF - 63 KB)

  Time spent having fun together is a must for a healthy marriage. This tip sheet provides couples with creative ideas concerning ways to maintain their romantic relationship on a budget.

• Building Your Family Traditions

  Dennis and Barbara Rainey -- Great tips for developing family ties and traditions.

• How to Know If You Have a Healthy Marriage (PDF - 90 KB)

  This resource provides couples a list of positive elements that contribute to and support a healthy marriage.

• Quick Ideas for Summer Family Fun

  Kimberly L. Keith -- Parent's guide for summer boredom.

• Summer Fun for the Whole Family

  Family Education Network -- Quizzes, games, and trip planning.

• Sexual Enrichment: An Inventory

  Building Better Marriages. An Exercise designed to measure the level of sexual satisfaction and perceived partner's satisfaction, leading to an open dialogue.

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1 James H. Bray & Ernest N. Jouriles. (1995). Treatment of marital conflict and prevention of divorce. Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, 21, 461-473.

2 Tamara T. Gilliland, Alan J. Hawkins, Glenda Christiaens, & Jason S. Carroll. (2002). Marriage Moments: Strengthening your marriage as you become parents, an activity guidebook. Provo, UT: Brigham Young University, Family Studies Center. William J. Doherty. (2001). Take back your marriage: Sticking together in a world that pulls us apart. New York: Guilford.

3 W. Kim Halford, Howard J. Markman, Galina H. Kline, & Scott M. Stanley. (2003). Best practices in couple relationship education. Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, 29, 385-406.