Source: Des Moines Register
September 2010
When All You Do Is Fight
Blame being tired, stressed, or over scheduled, but every couple at one time or another fights. But if you think the reasons for those arguments - the laundry, the bills, the kids, his mother - are obvious, you may be wrong.
"What you are fighting about is usually not what you are fighting about," says Pat Love, EdD, a marriage and family therapist and co-author of "How to Improve Your Relationship Without Talking About It." "The number one cause of fighting is resentment, and the number one cause of resentment is withdrawing your interest and your energy," Love says.
If you're moving apart, there are steps you can take to come closer together and fight less - or just fight better. Here's what you need to know.
1. Time it. We may be masters at yelling but less good at negotiating, which is often why fighting degenerates so quickly. Learning a structured way of talking can help. One idea: Use a kitchen timer and give each person a chance to tell his or her side in three-minute stretches, suggests Love. "You'd be surprised what an organized way of talking can do to help," she says.
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Posted: Sep 1, 2010
Author: Kelly Roberson
Source: Wall Street Journal
July 2010
"How to Fight Right"
If you fought with your sweetheart last night, does that mean that your relationship is on the rocks?
Maybe. Maybe not.
Research shows it's how we fight-where, when, what tone of voice and words we use, whether we hear each other out fairly-that's critical. If we argue poorly, we may end up headed for divorce court. Yet if we argue well, experts say, we actually may improve our relationship.
Esther and Bill Bleuel learned to change the way they fight. A few years ago, they had a serious spat while driving down Interstate 5 in California. The topic was a sore one: His adult daughters from his first marriage. Ms. Bleuel felt her husband paid more attention to them than to her.
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Posted: Jul 27, 2010
Author: Elizabeth Bernstein
Source: Today
July 2010
Wish Upon a Wedding
Time: Shelly Sundstrom knew she didn't have much of it. Days, hours, minutes were slipping away - but Sundstrom knew what she wanted to do.
She wanted to marry Jay Ellison. And he wanted to marry her.
But when? And, more problematically, how? Neither of them had the stamina to plan a wedding. Shelly, 48, had advanced lymphoma, and her doctors had given her mere weeks to live. Jay, also 48, had serious health issues of his own; he had been battling multiple sclerosis for years.
A friend of the Seattle couple placed a call to Wish Upon a Wedding, a new charity that grants weddings and vow renewals to people diagnosed as having fewer than five years to live. Volunteers with the charity blasted into action - and three weeks later, Shelly was walking down the aisle and exchanging wedding vows with Jay.
Read More.
Posted: Jul 23, 2010
Author: Laura T. Coffey
Source: USA Today
July 2010
Report: Marriages mix races or ethnicities more than ever
Marriages between spouses of different races and ethnicities are more common than ever before, say authors of a report by the Pew Research Center. Read More
Posted: Jul 2, 2010
Author: Mary Brophy Marcus
Source: Newsweek
July 2010
The Rise of the 'Silver Divorce'
They are high-school sweethearts who seemed happily married for 40 years
after raising four children. But the announcement that Al and Tipper
Gore were splitting up was not a surprise to researchers who study the
most divorcing cohort in American history. Read More
Posted: Jul 1, 2010
Author: Newsweek
