Fact of the Week
“Trust is like Jell-O”
Week of May 14, 2012
People enact their own brands of trust in relationships that may be distinct from the attitudes about trust that they espouse in public arenas
People enact their own brands of trust in relationships that may be distinct from the attitudes about trust that they espouse in public arenas
Ultimately, the goal of promoting marriage among the poor and near-poor may be better served by urging them to take their time forming partnerships and to carefully examine how suitable their prospective partners are for lasting intimate relationships. By doing so, they could make better judgments about trustworthiness and choose partners who were indeed worthy candidates for marriage. The problem, in other words, is not just getting women to start trusting men; rather, the problem also is getting them to stop trusting men in ways that are not conducive to stable partnerships and to start using trust in ways that are more likely to lead to lasting, healthy unions.
Read more of this study by Linda M. Burton, Ph.D., James B. Duke Professor of Sociology, Duke University, and Andrew J. Cherlin, Ph.D., Benjamin H. Griswold III Professor of Sociology and Public Policy, Department of Sociology, Johns Hopkins University.
When new parents bicker, kids suffer later
Week of Apr 18, 2012
The level of aggression between partners around the time a baby is born affects how the mother will parent three years later, research shows.
The level of aggression between partners around the time a baby is born affects how the mother will parent three years later, research shows.
“We have long been aware that high levels of family conflict can have a negative effect on children’s development, but most people tend to think that this doesn’t apply to babies,” says Philip A. Fisher, a professor of psychology at the University of Oregon and scientist at the independent, non-profit Oregon Social Learning Center.
“In fact, we are now finding that this notion of toxic stress in families applies to babies as well. We are finding that people should mind their relationships with their spouses, not just with their babies.”
Follow this link for press release and access to the study published in the Journal of Family Psychology.
Eye of the Beholder
Week of Mar 19, 2012
Men like to know when their wife or girlfriend is happy while women really want the man in their life to know when they are upset, according to a new study published by the American Psychological Association.
The study involved a diverse sample of couples and found that men's and women's perceptions of their significant other's empathy, and their abilities to tell when the other is happy or upset, are linked to relationship satisfaction in distinctive ways, according to the article published online in the Journal of Family Psychology. Read a summary at Science Daily.
Younger couples more stressed about divorce
Week of Mar 12, 2012
Divorce at a younger age hurts people’s health more than divorce later in life, researchers have found. Michigan State University sociologist Hui Liu says the findings, which appear in the journal Social Science & Medicine, suggest older people have more coping skills to deal with the stress of divorce.
Divorce at a younger age hurts people’s health more than divorce later in life, researchers have found. Michigan State University sociologist Hui Liu says the findings, which appear in the journal Social Science & Medicine, suggest older people have more coping skills to deal with the stress of divorce.
“It’s clear to me that we need more social and family support for the younger divorced groups,” says Liu, assistant professor of sociology. “This could include divorce counseling to help people handle the stress, or offering martial therapy or prevention programs to maintain marital satisfaction.” Read more.
In Sickness and In Health
Week of Mar 06, 2012
Study documents the importance of supportive spouses in coping with work-related stress
A new study conducted by Wayne Hochwarter, the Jim Moran Professor of Business Administration in the Florida State University College of Business, examines the role of support in households where daily stress is common to both spouses. Read more.
Childbearing Outside of Marriage
Week of Feb 22, 2012
It used to be called illegitimacy. Now it is the new normal. After steadily rising for five decades, the share of children born to unmarried women has crossed a threshold: more than half of births to American women under 30 occur outside marriage.
According to a Child Trends Research Brief having children outside of marriage—nonmarital childbearing—has been on the rise across several decades in the United States. In 2009, 41 percent of all births (about 1.7 million) occurred outside of marriage, compared with 28 percent of all births in 1990 and just 11 percent of all births in 1970. Preliminary data suggest that this percentage has remained stable in 2010. There are several reasons to be concerned about the high level of nonmarital childbearing. Couples who have children outside of marriage are younger, less healthy, and less educated than are married couples who have children. Children born outside of marriage tend to grow up with limited financial resources; to have less stability in their lives because their parents are more likely to split up and form new unions; and to have cognitive and behavioral problems, such as aggression and depression.Indeed, concerns about the consequences of nonmarital childbearing helped motivate the major reform of welfare that occurred in 1996, and continue to motivate the development of federally funded pregnancy prevention programs among teenagers and marriage promotion programs among adults. Read More.
How Military Deployment Can Impact the Children of Soldiers
Week of Feb 13, 2012
When parents return from military deployment it not only affects how they cope, but it also impacts their relationship with their children. One study hopes to reduce these unique challenges. Providing many tools including role playing to learn effective parenting techniques, there are workshops established to help soldiers reduce conflict and deal with the stress they and their children may be under after a long deployment.
How Well Do You Fight as a Couple?
Week of Feb 06, 2012
Do you know what kind of a fighter you are with your spouse? Well, you may want to learn, and change it, if it’s bad for your marriage. If you withdraw from your partner during a fight, this can be problematic for your marriage’s future. Also, no matter how constructive YOU are, if your spouse doesn’t reciprocate, this can also lead to problems.
Husbands Doing More Chores Get More Benefits
Week of Jan 30, 2012
So what makes for a happy marriage? The answer in order of most importance is the following: Faithful spouses, satisfying sexual relations, and the sharing of chores. It turns out ignoring her request to help out with the dishes is more damaging then once thought. According to a recent Pew Research Center Survey, sharing chores is vital to a healthy marriage, ranked only below fidelity and a healthy sex life.
Birth Rates Drop in Florida… What does this mean?
Week of Jan 23, 2012
A report shows that teen birth rates have dropped in Florida, but is this a blip or a trend? For every 1,000 teenagers in Florida, there were 5 fewer births in 2009 compared to 2007. This could be good news, as the social costs of teenage mothers are extremely high.
The Sleepy Side of Marriage
Week of Jan 09, 2012
What does sleep have to do with marriage? Like so many other parts of married life, sleep is definitely in need of adjustments. Is it common for newlyweds to feel day-time lethargy? Yes, and there are many other sleep challenges married couples face including snoring, whether or not to cuddle, and even mattress firmness. Although they may seem like trivial challenges, these lead to marital strains and other stress.
An Economic Spin On Marriage
Week of Jan 02, 2012
Marriage is like a business. Perhaps it’s time to learn how to make your business thrive rather than taking it to the verge of bankruptcy. According to the authors of Spousonomics, we already know the “lovey-dovey” side of our marriage, but now it is time to figure out the mechanical parts.
Taking Depression Seriously in Marriages
Week of Dec 26, 2011
If you (or your partner) are feeling symptoms of depression, get help! This help may not only keep you healthy and happy, but it may also do the same for your partner. A new study is showing how married partners, particularly older adults, share many things in common beyond their love, home, and memories. Depressive symptoms in one spouse are also quite often observed in the other partner. Read more of this WebMD article describing why these issues are more a family’s challenge instead of an individual’s.
A Look at Marriage Across Decades
Week of Dec 12, 2011
Marriage in our 20s is definitely different than marriage in our 30s. Each new decade of our marital relationships bring unique challenges, life circumstances, and, of course, life experiences. Being aware of some of these challenges may help us to better deal with them.
Relationship Termites?
Week of Dec 07, 2011
Do you find yourself being too sarcastic with your spouse, or are you arguing too much? These can slowly but certainly erode at the structure of a marriage. Have you ever seen what termites can do to a house’s structure? It can be quite devastating, and it usually sneaks up on the homeowner if he or she doesn’t regularly check for and prevent them. That same principle applies as a metaphor to the structure of a marriage.
Reducing Money-Fights
Week of Nov 30, 2011
Appreciating where each partner’s attitude towards money comes from can help to reduce fights about money when disagreements do arrive. Here are some tips that may save your marriage from stress and conflict.
Unfortunately, a great marriage can go south when financial problems arise. Whether or not to buy an annuity, how much to invest in bonds, and where to find the money for home repairs doesn’t exactly sound like sweetheart talk. But on the other hand, reaching common ground on family money matters can improve matrimonial happiness and stability.
How Pets are Good for Marriages
Week of Nov 10, 2011
A study conducted at the State University of New York at Buffalo said married couples with pets have lower heart rates and blood pressure than those without pets. Pets add structure to life by providing something to care for, feed, take to the vet, clean the cage, change the water, empty litter, take for walks and pick up poop. What fun! The plus side of all that structure is pets stimulate conversation.
Social Networking Can Help Grandma Find a Date
Week of Oct 31, 2011
You remember the embarrassment felt the first time your mother commented on your status update? It turns out Grandma may be making comments as well, but don’t worry! She may be too busy finding romance for herself.
Older generations are using Facebook and other social networking sites for various reasons including connecting with extended family, doing family history research, and yes… dating.
Recognizing the Gender “Apology Gap”
Week of Oct 24, 2011
Saying, “I’m sorry” is not an easy thing to do, but it tends to be easier for women than men. Are women too sensitive or men not sensitive enough? The answer is found somewhere in the middle.
It’s not that women are too sensitive as to whether or not they offended someone leading to them apologizing more. It’s that women are more sensitive than men to potential offenses so they are more willing to say they’re sorry. Also, men may find themselves apologizing, but not know what they did wrong.
Divorces Increasing for the 50+ Crowd
Week of Oct 17, 2011
Perhaps the rise in divorces among those 50 years or older should remind us all to either reconnect or stay connected with our partner. These connections need to be maintained both emotionally and sexually.
With a rise in divorces among married couples older than fifty, there then comes the list of potential reasons for this increase including lack of sexual intimacy at this age, lack of love, and lack of commitment. Many even found it difficult to share things with their partners.
Love May Make You Increasingly Ignorant of Your Partner
Week of Oct 10, 2011
If you can’t remember your partner's favorite movie, food, or color scheme for the living room this could actually be an indicator of marital longevity.
Couples whose marriages averaged 40 years tended to know less about each partners’ favorites when compared to couples who have been together for 2 years or so. This could mean a number of things including differences in marital expectations today versus forty-years ago.
Love as a Pain Reliever
Week of Oct 03, 2011
Have a headache? Perhaps a hug and kiss from your spouse is just what the doctor ordered.
Couples in a lab felt less pain when they were either distracted by a mental task or shown a picture of their romantic partner. The funny thing is that when partners saw the picture of their loved one, it activated the reward center part of their brains. This part of the brain is related to urges and cravings.
"This American Life" Explores the Sanctity of Marriage
Week of Sep 26, 2011
Originally aired in 2004, this radio program explores the meaning and definition of marriage from various angles.
Originally aired on March 26, 2004, Ira Glass takes you through three real-life stories describing marriage from diverse angles on this particular episode. Included is a discussion with marital researcher John Gottman, stories about the different definitions of marriage and a story about two daughters who wanted their parents to divorce.
Happily Married Watching Football… Really!
Week of Sep 19, 2011
Learn some tips that may help husbands prevent wives from becoming “football widows” during the fall.
Jason Fierstein with Phoenix Men’s Counseling gives couples some suggestions on how to handle football season and enhance marriages at the same time. Tips such as using the football game as a time to fold laundry, having a “pre-game huddle” to discuss both partners concerns, and using the game as a chance to have a girl’s night out may help to make the most out of football season. Read more.
Mom and Dad divorced, but that’s not happening to me!
Week of Sep 12, 2011
Just because your Mom and Dad divorced doesn’t mean it will happen to you. Although your odds of a successful marriage may look bad on paper, there are things that you can do to beat those odds.
A partner with divorced parents has a 50% higher chance of experiencing divorce, and if both partners come from divorced parents, the risk for divorce increases by 200%. However, there are steps that these couples can take to overcome these odds such as discussing worries with a partner, seeking premarital education courses, and learning from divorces of others such as parents. Read more.
Soul Mate Myth
Week of Sep 05, 2011
Is your partner "alpha" or "beta"? Have you found your "equal"? Your "soulmate"? There's a lot of interest among the romantically-inclined in discovering how to choose the right person. Intriguing, yes. Relevant to relationship satisfaction? No.
Even if we married what we consider to be our “soul mate,” they will change and grow throughout the relationship just as we will, perhaps even grow right out of the “soul mate” category. So instead of focusing on changing your partner to be more compatible, you need to focus on changing yourself. Read more.
Engineers Know a Thing or Two About Lasting Marriages
Week of Aug 29, 2011
If you marry a dancer you may need more marriage education than if you marry a police detective. Also, if you marry an engineer, you marriage may be more “structurally sound.”
Breaking down the divorce rates by career, Michael Aamodt and colleagues found that dancers, bartenders, massage therapists, casino workers, telephone operators, nurses, and home healthy aides had the highest risk for divorce. Those with the lowest risk for divorce included engineers, optometrists, clergy, and podiatrists. Read more.
The Often Ignored Consequences of "Hooking-Up"
Week of Aug 22, 2011
By the time students graduate from college in the U.S., 70% of them will have “hooked up.” In essence, casual sexual encounters are on the rise, and students aren’t aware of the physical and emotional consequences before it is too late.
The potential consequences of hooking up go beyond STDs and other short-term problems. In fact, there may be a connection between increased rates of infidelity in young married couples and the college culture of hooking up. Facing these trends, Teresa Downing-Matibag has started communities that discuss relationships and intimacy to educate and inform students of the consequences associated with “Hooking-up.”
How to Make a Marriage Last
Week of Aug 15, 2011
It doesn't require bitter conflict to destroy a marriage, but rather how each partner deals with that conflict.
Researchers at the University of Michigan interviewed 373 couples four times over a 16-year period, and found that many of those marriages were probably doomed from the beginning because the partners couldn't get their act together. One wanted to resolve the conflict. The other wanted to ignore it.
Don't Let Unemployment Damage Your Marriage
Week of Aug 08, 2011
When you or your spouse get laid off from a job, it’s easy to let that stress spill over into your marriage relationship, but don’t let the job-loss get you down. There are simple steps you can take to use this as a chance to grow closer as a couple and family.
In the current economy, many stresses such as financial strain and feelings of worthlessness become chronic, and thus the stress begins to spill over into the family relationships. However, some of these stresses can be reduced while strengthening family bonds if couples make sure that they talk. This means discussing fears, anger of job loss, uncertainties with your spouse.
Why the College "Marriage Gap" is No More
Week of Aug 01, 2011
A popular notion of the past was that if you attended college, you would put off marriage. However, the typical age of marriage is now 28 whether you are college educated or not.
As a reflection of current trends couples are waiting to get married until they feel more financially stable, and this could also explain the increase in cohabitation. The news also shows that college-educated women of all races are marrying at quicker rates than their college educated grandmothers, and they are less likely to divorce than their mothers.
Long Distance Romance
Week of Jul 25, 2011
As air travel becomes easier and jobs more scarce, a growing number of people are in commuter relationships. But, having long-distance relationships may slow down processes such as getting married or breaking up.
As much as half the current college student population is in long distance relationships. Relationships that tend to develop at a much slower pace as couples this particular population tends to experience fewer conflicts and breaking down of illusions. Quite often they avoid experiencing these conflicts because they don't want to ruin the limited time they have together. Read More.
Do Couples Have a Sixth Sense?
Week of Jul 18, 2011
Have you ever had those moments when you felt in sync with your partner? Well it’s more than just a feeling. It turns out your brain may literally be working in sync with your partners.
When you say that you know what your partner is thinking, it turns out there is scientific evidence that possibly supports your comment. During specific states, parts of your and your partner's brains are in-sync. This is possibly when we are able to sense a partner's thought or feelings. Read more.
It's Not What You Fight About, But How You Fight
Week of Jul 11, 2011
Fighting the Right Way
It turns out that couples who avoid fights altogether may be missing out on some constructive relationship building. It is true that many fights can damage a relationship, but if partners learn to be constructive by openly listening and speaking calmly, there's a chance that they can use this conflict to grow closer. Read more.
Marrying or Married to a Marine?
Week of Jun 27, 2011
Today’s Marine Corps wants to prepare both married couples and those planning for marriage for the unique challenges of being a “military family.”
Marital counseling and relationship education can save a marriage from current as well as future problems. The military provides programs such as the Prevention and Relationship Enhancement Program (PREP) workshop to help couples with their relationship skills and provide them with opportunities for insight as they live the unique and challenging life of a military family. Learn more.
Partners Make the Best Parents
Week of Jun 20, 2011
Partners Make the Best Parents
The Fatherhood Institute is urging the government to provide both relationship classes and parenting classes to couples before they venture into parenthood. This prevention mentality may help to reduce the dip in marital happiness. Also, by focusing on parenting skills alone, the relationship between the parents may be ignored. Read more.
Happy Marriage is Good for Aging
Week of Jun 13, 2011
Happy Marriage is Good for Aging
Helen Dennis provides some useful advice for those couples who may be planning for their eventual retirement. This advice to improve marriages approaching retirement age includes working towards a shared retirement date, communication, being considerate, flexible, listening, and showing appreciation for each other. Read more.
Let's Do Parenting Together
Week of Jun 06, 2011
When parents can agree on how to raise their children together, it makes for a happier family.
Husband and wife team Phillip and Carolyn Cowan, as well as other experts, describe some of the potential problems spouses may need to know about before having children to keep our marriages healthy and happy. If you already have children, it's not too late! A parent educator may help to bridge parenting gaps and enhance strengths for parents who seek to be happily married. Read more
The Marital Bank Bailout
Week of May 31, 2011
Spouses need to make deposits into each others emotional banks.
Ilana Kukoff calls marriage a tricky business as she discusses the need for husbands and wives to make deposits into a "relational bank account." She discusses how this account consists of all the emotions and interactions in a relationship. Sometimes we make withdrawals by being ornery, but those withdrawals are less painful when the account is full of positives such as hugs, expressing gratitude, and doing other things to show care for a partner.
Is There a Magic Age for Marriage?
Week of May 23, 2011
Is There a Magic Age for Marriage?
Age at marriage is known to predict whether a couple is at risk for divorce, but why is age so relevant? It turns out various age related issues could be a large part of the answer. When you are older you are more likely to be more mature, be more educated and have more financial security, which could result in a lot less fighting. Read more.
Divorce Insurance
Week of May 16, 2011
Divorce Insurance
Divorces can average around $15K to 30$K, and now there is insurance available to help with some of these costs. So in accordance with these costs and risks of couples divorcing a company has provided a website with a calculator of divorce costs for you along with a divorce probability calculator. Read more
Lord of the Prom
Week of May 09, 2011
Lord of the Prom
Specific types of male movement may indicate genetic fitness that attracts females. Using motion-capture data similar to what was used in the movie "Avatar," Dr. Nick Neave and colleagues explored how the range, variety, and types of movement made by men dancing determined what was attractive to females. Read more.
How's Your Divorced Friend Coping?...Just Listen.
Week of May 02, 2011
How's Your Divorced Friend Coping?...Just Listen.
When compared to those who just read transcripts of a partner's stream of thoughts about a former spouse, those who listened to the audio recordings were able to more effectively predict how well the partners were adjusting to a divorce. This may eventually help us to learn better ways to pick up on cues that we miss from text messages or written emails. Read more.
Are Couples with Daughters More Likely to Divorce?
Week of Apr 25, 2011
Are Couples with Daughters More Likely to Divorce?
Speculating as to why parents of daughter are more likely to divorce versus parents of sons, Dr. Anita Kelly describes how the research shows that sons become more burdensome for divorced parents, particularly mothers. On the other hand daughters offer greater amounts of social support to their mothers perhaps making the idea of a divorce more bearable. Read more.
Honey Pay Attention!...I Can't.
Week of Apr 18, 2011
Honey Pay Attention!...I Can't.
Is a partner forgetting to pay bills, do his/her share of the chores, or "ignoring" the to-do list you made for them? Perhaps the anger you feel towards a "lazy" partner is unfounded. A partner with A.D.H.D. may be simply overwhelmed by lists or a messy house. Understanding that a partner has this disorder may lead to simple steps that not only save a relationship, but help it thrive. Read more.
Men May be More Vulnerable than Women
Week of Apr 04, 2011
Men May be More Vulnerable than Women
Women are still more likely to experience depression when a relationship ends, but men were the most vulnerable to the lows in ongoing relationships. One of the possible explanations is that men lack other sources of intimacy while women will have various types of close friendships outside of the romantic relationship. Read more.
How to Fight Right
Week of Mar 28, 2011
How to Fight Right
A partner can communicate a problem with another in a healthy way using listening and response methods OR one can use unhealthy styles such as eye rolling or making insults. When partners use a disagreement as an opportunity to grow closer as a couple they learn that differences can actually help a marriage thrive. Read more.